3 hard truths that improved my life
aha moments that changes my life
Everyone is searching for happiness. It’s a goal we all share, yet it often seems like it’s eluding us, slipping through our fingers like sand. We hope that happiness waits for us at the end of a long list of accomplishments, that it finds us when we find our one true love, or that we stumble upon some secret recipe to happiness.
But what if true happiness isn’t something to be chased or found? What if happiness lies in confronting and accepting fundamental truths that life brings? What if happiness lies in acceptance and working with what is rather than what could be? What if happiness lies in being imperfect rather than chasing perfection? What if true happiness comes from taking responsibility for ourselves, our actions, and our choices even when others hurt us?
In today’s article, I want to share three truths with you that helped me reshape my perspective, liberated me from chasing the wrong things, and genuinely set me up to create a sense of contentment, meaning, and fulfillment in my life.
Each truth in itself was an aha moment that changed my life for the better (significantly). Each truth served as a catalyst for change. After accepting and embracing these three truths, I saw a fundamental shift in me and, as a result, in my life. However, you might want to resist accepting what I’m sharing with you today because it challenges your deeply ingrained beliefs and requires courage to let go of the feel-good fantasies that keep you stuck in an illusion.
So, I won’t only share my three hard truths with you, but I will also share practical tips to apply to each truth, guide you through self-reflection questions, and give you signs to look out for that you may be doing the opposite. At the end of this article, you’ll know what steps to take to change the patterns you’re stuck in so you can journey toward a happier, more authentic, and ultimately more meaningful life.
If this sounds like something you want to learn more about, consider becoming a paid subscriber. As a paid subscriber, you’ll get weekly articles directly sent to your inbox. Filled with the information you need to recover from people-pleasing and create a more healed and fulfilled version of yourself.
Truth #1: Accepting imperfection drives action
Accepting imperfection is a catalyst for action in all aspects of life. When we let go of the need for perfection, we free ourselves from the paralysis chasing perfection causes. When we try to achieve perfection, we overthink and wait for the “perfect” moment. We must accept that perfection is an illusion; nothing is perfect, and by all means, it doesn’t have to be. Assuming that even our best efforts have imperfections helps us initiate projects, make decisions, and take on challenges. Accepting imperfection is the driving force behind progress and personal growth.
Perfection is an ideal we chase, believing it is necessary for success. However, it is an illusion, an ever-moving target that we can never fully reach. Striving for perfection often leads to stagnation. It takes the wind out of our sails as we refine and polish things, trying to achieve an unattainable (and unnecessary) result free of flaws. We have to recognize perfection for what it is: an unrealistic burden that keeps us stagnant.
Perfectionism makes us stagnant because it’s a paralyzing force. It prevents us from making decisions, taking risks, embracing new opportunities, and facing challenges. For example, (maybe you can relate) I wanted to incorporate regular exercise into my daily routine. For weeks, I struggled to decide when it would be the best time to do it throughout the day. I was trying to perfect things and be 100% efficient. If I had accepted that there is no perfect timing and started experimenting right away, I would not only have found what worked for me faster, but I’d already be working out rather than wasting weeks trying to find the perfect time to do it.
The fear of making mistakes and being imperfect becomes a barrier to progress. By accepting imperfection, we remove these barriers; we allow ourselves to move forward confidently, making choices and pursuing our goals without hesitation. Accepting imperfection is a powerful mindset that allows us to take action without overwhelming fear. Imperfection frees us from the prison that perfectionism creates. Allowing us to take steps toward our dreams, make decisions without intense pressure, and enjoy what life has to offer (imperfectly, but at least we enjoy it!).
Signs you’re not accepting imperfection:
You seek perfection, causing you to overrepare and overthink, ultimately delaying your action significantly.
Fear of failure paralyzes you, preventing you from trying new things.
You’re overly critical of yourself and hold yourself to unattainable expectations.
You often procrastinate because you’re waiting for the “perfect” moment.
You’re constantly dissatisfied with your own work and rarely recognize your achievements.
Self-reflection questions:
What significant goals or dreams have I postponed due to my fear of imperfection?
How has my relentless pursuit of perfection hindered me from taking meaningful actions in various aspects of my life?
What does "perfection" mean to me, and is it a realistic standard to strive for?
Tips to break free from perfectionism and accept imperfection instead:
Start small: Begin by taking a small step towards your goal today, even if it feels imperfect. Progress is made one step at a time.
Embrace mistakes: Shift your perspective to view mistakes as valuable opportunities for learning and growth rather than as failures to be avoided.
Prioritize: Identify what truly matters and focus your energy on those aspects. Don't get lost in endlessly tinkering with minor details.
Truth #2: Taking personal responsibility empowers us
Taking personal responsibility empowers us by giving us control over our lives. It allows us to break free from the victim mindset and take charge of our decisions and actions. When someone else is primarily at fault, recognizing our own contribution (no matter how small) gives us the power to change our future and grow out of our circumstances.
Even in situations where others are mainly at fault, we can often find small ways in which we contributed, either by making wrong choices, not speaking up, or ignoring our instincts. Acknowledging our contributions (however minor they may seem) empowers us to make different choices and reminds us that we have power. Recognizing how you contributed to something isn’t about blaming yourself or not holding others accountable. It’s to help you feel empowered and not fall into victim mode where you feel powerless and like you have no control. Taking responsibility for your contributions helps you avoid repeating patterns that lead to undesirable outcomes.
I know this may be hard to accept (it was for me), but in life, not making a choice or taking action is in itself a choice. Staying passive is a choice. Not changing is a choice. It’s a choice to let external factors dictate your path and to keep things how they are (no matter how miserable you may be). Recognizing that not making a choice is a choice allows us to actively choose our direction and take responsibility for the consequences of our inaction.
Funny enough, while responsibility may feel like a burden, it’s actually freedom. When we take ownership of our lives, we gain the freedom to make different choices, shape our future, and pursue our genuine goals. Taking personal responsibility liberates us from the limiting belief that we are powerless victims of circumstance.
Taking personal responsibility is not about carrying the world's weight on your shoulders; it’s about realizing that you hold the power to shape your life. Being responsible for yourself, your thoughts, beliefs, words, actions, and choices empowers us to align with our values, learn from our experiences, and ultimately allow us to create a life with purpose.
Signs you’re not taking personal responsibility:
You consistently blame external factors or other people for your challenges and rarely acknowledge your own role.
You avoid making decisions or taking action because you believe it's someone else's responsibility.
You frequently find yourself in situations where you feel powerless, attributing your circumstances solely to external forces.
You resist learning from your mistakes or changing your approach, preferring to place the blame elsewhere.
You believe taking responsibility means taking on excessive burdens rather than seeing it as a path to personal growth and empowerment.
Self-reflection questions:
In what areas of my life have I tended to shift blame onto external factors or other people rather than acknowledging my own contribution?
How might my life transform if I were to take more personal responsibility for my choices and actions, even in situations where others are primarily at fault?
Can I think of instances where not making a choice or taking action was, in itself, a choice I made?
Tips to start taking personal responsibility:
Own Your Choices: Recognize that even when external factors play a role, your choices and actions contribute to the outcomes you experience.
Learn from Responsibility: Shift your focus from blame to personal responsibility by identifying what you can do differently in the future. Focus on what you can control, not what others did with their control.
Embrace Freedom through Responsibility: Understand that responsibility is not a burden but a source of freedom. When you acknowledge your role in shaping your life, you gain the power to make different choices and create the life you desire.
Truth #3: Reality must be actively pursued
Actively pursuing reality helps us see the world more clearly for what it is. It helps us make informed decisions and build healthier relationships. Actively seeking reality allows us to break free from our internal biases and beliefs that control us, allowing us to improve our interactions with others and heal ourselves.
Our biases, past experiences, and beliefs deeply influence our perception of reality. These filters can cause us to distort reality, causing us to see what we want to see or misinterpret situations that support our beliefs. For example, if you believe a coworker doesn’t like you, you may interpret their tone or looks as hostile. When in reality, your coworker might have no problem with you. Their looks might just be looks, and their tone might be just how they talk. Our biases distort reality without us even noticing. Actively seeking reality involves recognizing our biases and consciously working to overcome them by comparing what we perceive as reality with actual reality. Just like a good scientist would compare their results and testing environments.
Not only do all humans have inherent biases, but we also write our own internal narratives and stories that can distort our interpretation of the world. We often create narratives that fit our preconceived notions. These stories may not align with reality, causing misunderstandings and conflicts. What helps us break free of our made-up stories and narratives is to compare them with reality through direct communication. For example, if you think you’re coworker doesn’t like you, have a conversation about it rather than scheming your comeback plots. Actively pursuing reality involves separating facts from fiction and being willing to adjust our beliefs based on evidence and new information (that we actively seek out).
Signs you’re not actively pursuing reality:
You dismiss information or opinions contradicting your beliefs, creating an echo chamber.
You often find yourself in conflicts or misunderstandings due to rigid thinking and an unwillingness to consider alternative viewpoints.
You resist change even when presented with compelling evidence that challenges your current beliefs.
You habitually judge others based on preconceived notions rather than seeking to understand their perspectives.
You're prone to making decisions without fully considering the facts or consequences.
Self-reflection questions:
In what areas of my life have my biases, past experiences, or beliefs influenced my perception of reality?
How might actively seeking reality enhance my decision-making and relationships?
Can I recall instances where my internal narratives and stories distorted my interpretation of the world?
Tips to actively pursue reality:
Question Assumptions: Regularly challenge your beliefs and assumptions, and be open to new information that may reshape your perspective.
Seek Diverse Perspectives: Actively engage with people who hold different viewpoints to broaden your understanding of the world.
Practice Mindfulness: Cultivate the ability to be fully present in each moment, which can help you avoid getting lost in your own narratives and biases.
Now, armed with these truths, it's time to take action. Embrace imperfection, claim responsibility for your choices and actions, and actively seek the reality that exists beyond your biases and narratives.
If you found this article interesting, if it resonated with your own experiences, or if you have insights of your own to share, I encourage you to become a subscriber to my newsletter. Doing so will give you more thought-provoking content that can enrich your journey towards happiness.
I also welcome your engagement. Give this article a thumbs-up if it struck a chord with you. Leave a comment below to share your thoughts, experiences, or any questions you may have. Your contributions are what turns this newsletter into a community. Subscribe, like, and share your thoughts so we can create a brighter and more empowered future together. -Klara
Is there any way I can just donate to this page or for this article through paypal?