5 Steps to Overcoming People-Pleasing: A Guide to Healing and Setting Boundaries

A Step-by-Step Guide to Healing, Journaling Prompts and Strategies for Setting Boundaries and Communicating Your Needs.

Are you tired of continuously putting others before yourself? Do you struggle with people-pleasing and find it hard to identify and meet your own needs?

If so, you're not alone. Many of us have a deeply-rooted belief that one has to take care of others first and then of oneself or that having needs means one is too difficult to be loved.

In this article, we will explore the importance of fulfilling your needs, what aspects you need to work on, and what steps you need to take to recover from people-pleasing.

But before we dive deeper into the topic, I want to offer you a taste of what's to come by providing you free access to the first part of this article which includes journaling prompts to help you start working on your need to prioritize other people's needs.

However, this is just the tip of the iceberg; to get the full picture and all the tips and knowledge to overcome people-pleasing, you will have to become a paid subscriber.

Let's explore the 5 steps to healing from people-pleasing:

1. Hold yourself accountable and responsible for your own well-being, not others.

As a people-pleaser, you look to others and put their needs and well-being before yours. Now, this behavior doesn't just show up for the fun of it, but it develops for a reason. Most of the time, people-pleasing develops when we find ourselves in highly stressful or traumatic situations for a prolonged period of time that we can't escape.

For example, in childhood, if you're parents would continuously yell at you and have anger outbursts. In this situation, you have no control over the treatment you receive because you are a child, which means you can't just remove yourself from the situation.

Now it makes sense that this child would have to learn how to cope with being continuously yelled at, and there are many different ways. Some cope by acting out outside of the home; others cope by trying to be perfect for flying under their parent’s radar; others may find refuge by throwing themselves into school work or a hobby, while others may start fantasizing about someone coming and rescuing them or their parents magically changing their behavior.

What coping mechanisms you will employ depends on many different variables but, in part, depends on your personality. If, by nature, you're a more empathetic child, you may find yourself learning to "read” your parents and finding strategies to keep them calm and happy so they are less likely to yell at you. And that's what people-pleasing is, suppressing your own needs and feelings while ensuring someone else’s needs are met.

Do you often prioritize someone else’s needs and suppress your own?

Then use the journaling prompts below to help you identify ways in which you can start unlearning to prioritize the needs of others and depressing your own feelings:

1. When was the last time I put someone else's needs before mine? What were the circumstances?

2. What needs of mine have I been neglecting?

3. How does prioritizing others' needs over my own make me feel in the short-term and long-term?

4. What boundaries do I need to put in place with others and myself to start making room for my own needs and feelings?

5. What self-care activities can I engage in to prioritize my well-being?

6. What changes can I make in my relationships or environment to better support my needs?

7. How can I remind myself to prioritize my own needs and feelings in the moment?

8. What long-term goals can I set for myself to prioritize my needs and well-being?

9. How can I be kind and compassionate towards myself and others while ensuring my needs are met?

10. What are the benefits of taking care of my own needs, and what impact will it have on my life and those around me?

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2. Set boundaries and clearly communicate to others what you do and do not tolerate.