A way to set boundaries without being scared of other's reactions

Helping you understand when and when you're not responsible for other people's reactions to your boundaries.

If you’re always scared about how someone else will react to your boundaries, this article is for you. I know how scary it can be to set a boundary with someone and not know how they’re going to react or to know that they are a difficult person and that it’s not going to be easy.

When we set boundaries with other people, the thing that often makes us uncomfortable is that we have to give up control. We can’t control how the other person might feel or react, and that’s a difficult truth to accept for many of us. Most of the time I find that we spent hours and hours thinking about how we can set a boundary, trying to find the perfect words so that we get a positive reaction. When we’re really scared of hurting someone’s feelings, disappointing them, or having an argument where we’re manipulated or guilted into taking our boundaries back. 

Today, I want to discuss what it really means not to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings or reactions to our boundaries. People often talk about this, but it’s hard to understand what it means in practice. Today, I want to make that a little bit easier for you.

This week was sunny in SF, and Teddy and I, of course, took full advantage of it. I decided not to go to my usual workout class and instead went on a longer walk with Teddy, and it was well worth it.

We’ll discuss what it means to set a boundary so that you’re not responsible for the other person’s reaction, what it means to try to control someone’s reaction to our boundaries, and last, what it means to deeply understand that you’re not responsible for other people's reactions to your boundaries. 

Let’s start at the beginning by discussing how to set boundaries so that we’re not responsible for the other person’s reactions.