Breaking the silence: understanding the impact of the silent treatment on relationships

learn to stop it if you do it, and learn to protect yourself if you receive it

Many of us have personally experienced what it feels like to be hurt by words. When others don’t have their emotions under control, they may lash out by insulting or threatening others. What’s not often discussed is how silence can hurt us, too. The absence of words and attention can be just as painful.

Truth be told, I used to give others the treatment. I wanted to hurt people back when they had hurt me. I wanted them to feel bad for making me feel bad. Giving someone the silent treatment was my way of trying to communicate (express) my pain. But as you may know yourself, hurting someone because they’ve hurt you usually isn’t a good way to resolve issues.

So, please know that this article isn’t intended to shame anybody who resorts to using the silent treatment. Instead, it is designed to understand what the silent treatment is, why someone may use it, and to help those who use it find healthier ways to communicate and show those at the receiving end of it how to protect themselves.

This article is for paid subscribers, yet I want to leave everyone with some thought-provoking questions so you can have your own moment of reflection. If you want to know my take on this topic (and many more) and read specific examples of my experiences and how I moved on, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

• Have you ever experienced or used the silent treatment in your relationships, and if so, what were the underlying triggers or reasons for resorting to this behavior?

• How can you improve your communication skills and address conflicts in a healthier and more constructive manner, both in giving and receiving the silent treatment?