Common Ways People-Pleasers Self-Sabotage

Learning what self-sabotage looks like makes it easier to recognize and change in yourself, learn how to identify it here.

In today's post, I focused on common ways people-pleasers sabotage themselves. Here are 7 examples of self-sabotage that I outlined in today's post:

1. Refusing to ask or accept help when you need it.

2. Suppressing your feelings and needs.

3. Holding yourself to unrealistic expectations.

4. Comparing yourself to others in a negative manner.

5. Not working on your own important task but helping others get their work done.

6. Numbing yourself instead of sitting in discomfort.

7. Ruining moments of joy by letting worst-case-scenario thinking take over.

But before we take a deep dive, I want to give you some more information on self-sabotage to ensure we are all on the same page about what it means and the roles it plays in staying stuck in the people-pleaser cycle.

What is self-sabotage, what signs do you need to look out for in yourself, and how to overcome it?

Self-sabotage is consciously or unconsciously undermining yourself, your efforts, or your goals. We can engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, but we can also get stuck in a self-sabotaging mindset. Either way, there is a discrepancy between what we value and how we act. We either don't do what we know we need to do, or we do things that hold us back from achieving our goals.

For example, you know you want to say "no” to grabbing drinks with your colleagues after work, but you go out with them anyways. Or you know you want to go to the gym before work but end up not making it because you didn't pack your gym bag the night before.

There can be many different reasons why we sabotage ourselves, including suffering from low self-esteem, lacking a connection to ourselves, being scared of our success, and being scared of failure. I think it's less important why you sabotage yourself and more important to understand when you are sabotaging yourself.

Self-sabotage can show up in many different ways, but here are a few to look out for in yourself:

• Procrastination.

• Making excuses (for yourself but also others).

• Setting yourself up for failure by putting yourself into situations that tempt you to act in ways you no longer want to.

• Not setting or following through on your priorities.

• Perfectionism

• Staying passive and letting others make decisions for you.

• Limiting beliefs that you can't do better or that you don't deserve to be happy.

If you've identified self-sabotage signs, don't beat yourself up about them. Self-sabotage, while having many negative consequences, also serves as a coping mechanism when we feel scared. It’s a big sign that we need to work on our underlying belief system around what we believe we deserve, what we are afraid of, and what we want to achieve.

Here are step-by-step instructions on how to stop self-sabotaging: