It’s easy to lose yourself in the opinions and expectations of others. It seems innocent to constantly compare ourselves to others and check if we’re measuring up to where we’re supposed to be. It’s easy to lose touch with yourself. If you’re reading this, please know you’re not alone. Many of us struggle behind closed doors, yet outwardly, our perfectionism keeps up a good facade. But deep down, we struggle with excessive self-doubt and a persistent lack of confidence, driving us into people-pleasing, codependency, and not setting healthy boundaries.
In this article, I want to draw you a roadmap back to yourself. I want to help you stop second-guessing yourself excessively, not being able to make decisions on your own and shake that constant sense of lostness and directionlessness. I know what it feels like to be disconnected from yourself, how external pressures and expectations weigh on you, and the relentless nagging of your inner critic telling you that you’re not good enough and can’t be trusted.
Let’s discuss what self-disconnection looks like, understand its roots, and explore what you can do to regain a sense of self and renewed confidence. My goal with this article is to make you feel understood, seen, and heard and to spark that “aha” moment that triggers your journey toward a more secure relationship with yourself.
This article is for paid subscribers, yet I want to leave everyone with some thought-provoking questions so you can have your own moment of reflection. If you want to know my take on this topic (and many more) and read specific examples of my experiences and how I moved on, consider becoming a paid subscriber.
What does being disconnected from myself mean? And what does it look like in everyday life?
When am I disconnected from myself, and when am I not? Are there situations or relationships in which you are more or less disconnected?
What is self-disconnection?
Have you ever felt like you’re living on autopilot? Like you’re living at the mercy of others, constantly needing reassurance that no one is mad at you and that you’re making the “right” decisions? If so, again, you’re not alone. These behaviors might seem innocent, but they are often a sign of a deeper issue, such as self-disconnection.
So, what does it mean to be disconnected from yourself?
As with everything, I want you to know that there is a spectrum. One can be disconnected from oneself, particularly in a specific aspect of one's life. In this part of the article, I will describe what it is like to be disconnected from yourself; know that not all signs must apply to you to feel disconnected.
The definition of disconnection is to sever the connection of or between, according to Merriam-Webster.
Being connected to yourself means being attuned to your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, needs, and instincts. To be disconnected means severing those internal connections, not knowing how you feel, what you need, or not knowing your instincts. And this internal disconnect affects everything in your life. In a way, self-disconnection is self-abandonment; it’s giving yourself up by disconnecting from yourself.
Am I disconnected from myself?
As I’m writing this article, I have one goal for you: to clarify what self-disconnection is and what it looks like to you.
Being disconnected from yourself often looks like this:
Not knowing or being confused about how you feel
Not being able to make decisions by yourself without input from others
Constantly worrying that others are mad at you
Not knowing what your needs are
Feeling lost and directionless in life, feeling like something is missing
Not being able to set boundaries or respect the boundaries of others
Pleasing others, putting your own needs last
Being overly apologetic and taking self-blaming
Staying too long in relationships that aren’t good for you anymore
Often feeling numb or depressed and having trouble focusing
Again, please know this is not an extensive list. But these are amongst the most common signs. So, I encourage you to take a moment to evaluate how many of the listed symptoms above apply to you. This can help you understand how self-disconnection shows up for you and where you may be on the spectrum. Please don't blame yourself if you can identify with many or some of the signs. There is nothing wrong with you for being disconnected from yourself. Self-disconnection is a protection and survival technique your body and mind use to keep you safe. Let’s talk more about that in the next section of this article before I share how to reconnect with yourself (thoughts, feelings, and needs).
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Moments of Reflection to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.