How Parenting Styles Shape Our Sense of Self

The Subtle Ways Parental Behaviors Influence Our Identity and Relationships

Like me, most people I work with have been people-pleasers their whole lives, and they started out as parent-pleasers. Our relationship with our parents is special, as it lays the foundation for all other relationships we enter. How our parents relate to each other, us, and others is how we learn to relate to ourselves and others. Think of it as a blueprint. 

Picture from our little road trip to Tahoe. Sidenote: Remember to make sure your Airbnb has air conditioning… lol

Today, I want to discuss three different parenting styles and how they can make us feel like we must abandon our authentic selves to stay safely connected to our parents. What I want you to remember as you read through this article is that I have no intention of shaming parents or diminishing their honest efforts in doing the best they can. I only want to acknowledge a hard truth that can be a bitter pill for everyone involved: You can love your parents AND acknowledge how a lack of skill or capacity on their part hurt you. And it’s okay for parents to rest assured they did the best they could AND acknowledge how a lack of skill or capacity on their part negatively impacted their child. I am saying all this with love and admiration for every parent trying to do their best. It’s not easy for anyone involved to acknowledge that despite the best intentions, wrong messages can come across and cause harm, and this especially hurts us if it comes from our parents.