How People-Pleasing Turns Celebrations into Stress

The Pressure to Please Can Turn Special Occasions into a Source of Anxiety & How To Shift Your Mindset

As my birthday approached last year, I remember feeling that familiar pit in my stomach. What should’ve been a time to celebrate, to come together, quickly became a source of anxiety. Instead of feeling excitement, all I could think about was: Will everyone have a good time? Will everyone like the food? Will anyone feel left out? This is a common experience for many of us who’ve spent years people-pleasing—celebrations turn into a performance to ensure everyone else is happy.

My 30th birthday is coming up by the end of the year, and for the first time in a long time, I’m actually looking forward to celebrating with others—no crippling anxiety or urge to bolt. It feels good to finally embrace the joy of connection and celebration again.

When I’m hosting or even just planning an outing, I notice that my focus shifts. I’m no longer thinking about enjoying the moment but about managing everyone else’s experience. I mentally run through every possible scenario: How can I avoid discomfort? How can I make sure no one feels disappointed? It’s exhausting. The emotional energy that goes into trying to anticipate everyone’s needs leaves me drained, long before the event even starts.