Mastering Boundaries: Overcoming the Top 3 Hurdles to Assert Yourself Confidently

3 Things That Hold You Back From Successfully Setting A Boundary + How To Overcome them

Let's talk boundaries!

When it comes to personal development and mental health, boundaries are a hot topic now. Online you can now find a lot of information on how to set boundaries. I love that boundaries have become a more popular subject, but I also realized that it can get confusing and overwhelming. More often than not, the boundary-setting advice is sound, yet we fail to know how to apply it in our own lives.

If you have done your fair share of research on boundaries and know how to set a boundary in theory but yet struggle to set boundaries in your life, then this article is for you.

In this article, I will explain 3 common reasons why we struggle to set boundaries. I will also provide actionable advice for each hurdle, so you can overcome them and start turning your boundary knowledge into action.

After reading this article, I want you to feel more assertive and confident at work and more comfortable and secure with the people you love. So you can align your decisions and how you show up for yourself and others with your values.

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1. Apologizing Excessively

Being overly apologetic can be a big hurdle to overcome when it comes to setting boundaries. Apologizing when we have done something wrong is important. It's a way to take responsibility for our words and actions and let the other person know we are aware of the damage we have caused and that we want to do better next time. Never apologizing for when you've done something wrong is just as problematic as chronically apologizing even when we've done nothing wrong.

Being quick to apologize when you've done nothing wrong can undermine your self-confidence, which makes it difficult for you to assert yourself, ask for what you need, and share your opinion. It can make boundary-setting significantly more difficult when others interpret your frequent apologies as a sign of weakness and start taking advantage of you and dismissing your boundaries even when you work up the courage to set them.

Do you think you're overly apologetic? Or are you not sure?

What it sounds like to apologize excessively:

• "I'm sorry for bothering you, but can I ask you a question?"

• "I'm sorry for being so emotional."

• "I'm sorry for taking up your time."

• "I'm sorry, but could you repeat that?"

If you are familiar with these phrases and often find yourself saying them, then you may want to ask yourself the questions below to identify what drives your need to be overly apologetic. It's important to get to know yourself and to identify your behavior patterns so you can have a better understanding of the underlying issues you may want to explore if you want to change your behavior.

Self-Reflection Questions to Explore Your Need to Apologize Excessivley:

1. What triggers my excessive apologizing? Do certain people or situations trigger my need to apologize?

2. What do I fear will happen if I don't apologize excessively? Am I afraid of conflict or disapproval from others?

3. Am I being true to myself when I apologize excessively? Or am I sacrificing my needs and values to please others?

4. How does my excessive apologizing affect my self-esteem and confidence? Does it make it difficult for me to assert myself and set boundaries?

5. What are some alternative ways I can express myself without apologizing excessively? How can I communicate my needs and boundaries in a clear and assertive manner?

These self-reflection questions will help you gain a deeper understanding of your need to apologize excessively, but not only that, they will also help guide you into exploring possible actions you can take to overcome it. To help you find strategies that work for you, I've outlined two strategies you can use to stop apologizing excessively.

Actionable strategies on how to overcome it: