Rethink Your New Year's Resolutions
3 things you need to consider to make your 2024 resolutions a success
Is setting New Year's resolutions bad? Over the year, I’ve set many New Year’s resolutions, most of which were empty promises to myself. Browsing social media this past week, I saw many videos and posts discouraging you from making New Year's resolutions. While I know from my personal experience, which I believe many of you share (that we are not following through on our resolutions), I still think New Year's resolutions are useful.
There is something about a current year ending and a new one beginning that gets you to think about your future and what you want more (or less) of in your life. It’s a self-reflective moment, allowing you to start with a clean slate. And who wouldn’t like a clean slate? My issue with New Year’s resolutions is that we can’t seem to stick to them. So, while we start out feeling empowered and motivated, we soon are humbled by the fact that change is hard. And sooner than we’d like to confess, we’ve given up on our resolutions or postponed them by making excuses. (I’ll start tomorrow, or when I have more time, etc).
So, where do we land regarding New Year's resolutions? Good or bad? Helpful ways to focus our energy toward what matters, or meaningless promises we don’t follow through on?
New Year's resolutions have one major advantage: They give us a unique perspective. A new year forces us to think about our future and evaluate our lives. I believe there is true meaning behind our New Year’s resolutions, mainly because of the unique perspective a new year allows us to take. So, if you ask me, setting New Year’s resolutions isn’t all that bad, but what’s important is how we do it. When we set New Year’s resolutions, we don’t skimp on imagining a brighter future for ourselves, but we skip out on formulating a sustainable approach. And after all, an idea is worth nothing if it’s never executed!
So, in this article, I want to show you three things you’ll need to consider to make your New Year’s resolutions practically achievable.
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1. Fully commit to your New Year’s Resolution.
What we often don’t realize is that change is a choice. You don’t have to change anything if you don’t want to, or even if you want to. To change is a decision you need to make for yourself. As with every decision, it’s essential to evaluate your options.
Recall your New Year’s Resolution, or pick one if you have many. If you don’t have one yet, take a moment to reflect on what resolutions you’d like to set or take on quitting people-pleasing as a resolution. (Knowing you’re here reading this article, it’s probably fitting.)
With your New Year’s resolution in mind, I would like you to consider the options ahead of you. Imagine standing at a crossroads. To the left, you see a path leading to your life ten years from now if you’ve stuck to your New Year’s resolution. To the right, you see a path leading to your life ten years from now, where you still haven’t followed through on your resolution. Which life do you want to live?
Walk down both paths and look at your different futures ten years from now. Compare your potential futures. Imagine how you’d feel, how you and your relationships have changed. Which future do you want to make a reality?
We must make informed decisions. We often forget that choosing inaction or refusing to make a decision is also making a decision. If you agree that you’d like to make your future a reality in which positive change has occurred because you followed your New Year’s resolution, you’ll need to consciously choose to follow it. Remind yourself that inaction, postponing, or avoiding change is a decision.
With this in mind and having imagined your two potential futures, how committed are you to your New Year’s resolution? (Comment below)
If fully committing to your resolution were everything we needed to do to follow through on it, life would be much easier. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. Life is chaotic and messy, throwing things at us we could never imagine, including many things that are outside our control. That’s why a critical aspect of change is having the right mindset.
2. You can’t control what’s not in your control, but you can control how you think about it!
You can’t control what life will throw your way—I experienced this first-hand last year when I was faced with a sudden, long-lasting, and extremely painful illness. At first glance, this truth may seem discouraging, but we aren’t all that powerless. In everything that’s uncontrollable, there are aspects we can control. At the very least, we can control how we think about something.
If you want to follow through on your New Year’s resolution, there is very little that I can promise you will happen for sure, but one thing: There will be downs, unexpected turns and setbacks, and many more unpredictable hindrances. Anyone who’s ever tried to implement change knows the path is never short of obstacles, and we can do nothing about it. We can plan and anticipate, which goes a long way already, but ultimately, there are always uncontrollable circumstances you won’t have been able to foresee. The only thing you can control when it comes to the uncontrollable is how you think about it.
You can think of a setback as proof that you’ll never succeed, that what you’re doing is wrong and that you’ll never achieve your New Year’s resolution. But you can also teach and hold yourself to a different mindset. You can accept setbacks as part of the journey; you can not take them personally, evaluate them realistically, and see them as opportunities to grow and learn. That’s our only tool when controlling the uncontrollable, your mindset.
So, when you inevitably hit an obstacle, remember that what meaning you assign to it is entirely under your control. While you’ll still have to go through the painful emotions that come with setbacks and obstacles (there is no way to avoid them), you can embrace them rather than push them away by quitting on your New Year’s resolution.
3. You can’t avoid pain either way.
You can’t avoid pain either way! Whenever we experience hardship on our journey toward change, it’s tempting to give up and proclaim that it’s “too hard”. What we tend to forget in that moment is that staying the same is just as painful as changing is. The reason you want to change is probably because whatever you’re doing or not doing is causing you pain. Maybe you people-please, and you feel empty and lost. Or perhaps you want to exercise more because not being able to do what you want to do causes you emotional pain.
We can’t avoid pain. So again, we see ourselves having to make a decision: what kind of pain are you choosing? Do you want to endure the pain of staying the same or improving things? It’s up to you!
Knowing that pain is lurking behind either corner, it’s more about choosing which kind of pain you want to endure and learning how to take it. What helps me be more emotionally resilient is knowing which path I’m picking and reminding myself that there will be pain on either path. I remind myself that if I have to endure pain either way, I’d like to feel the one that brings me closer to a better future and a happier, healthier me.
Next time you experience pain, and you want to stick your head in the sand, quitting on your New Year’s resolution, remind yourself of this: I’d rather go through meaningful pain than meaningless pain. On the other side of meaningful pain, things are better; on the other side of meaningless pain, things are the same.
What New Year’s resolutions would you like to make if you knew you couldn’t fail? What would you dare to change? Let me know in the comments below.
If you enjoyed this article and want to quit people-pleasing in 2024, I’ve even more help. Get my self-coaching workbook: ‘Get Yourself To Stop People-Pleasing.’ I’ve created a streamlined process for anyone to identify, set, and stick to their goals based on my workshop and 1:1 coaching experiences. This workbook is like working with me 1:1; you’ll be able to tailor your vision and goals to you while still following a guided process so you don’t feel overwhelmed setting and following through on them.
