Soothing the Guilt of Saying "No"

Understanding Your Beliefs and Finding Peace by Exploring Your Internalized Beliefs and Developing a Healthier Relationship with Saying "No"

It can be hard to learn to say "no," especially if you are a people-pleasers or someone who has anxiety and tends to overthink. Many of us feel guilty when we have to say no to an invitation or request, even if we know it's necessary for our own well-being.

In this article, we'll talk about some of the beliefs that make us feel guilty about saying "no," as well as past events that may have contributed to this guilt we feel when setting boundaries. We'll also talk about why it can be hard to stop feeling guilty about saying "no," and I'll give you some tips on how to feel better about saying "no" and leave you with self-reflection questions to help you think about your feelings of guilt about saying no.

Beliefs that cause us to feel guilty about saying no

Often what drives us to feel guilty after saying no are our internalized beliefs about saying no that we have adopted due to past experiences and childhood conditioning. If, for example, you grew up in an environment where saying no wasn't safe because you'd be ignored or punished, or when love was being withheld, chances are that you grow up to believe that saying no isn't safe.

You may also start believing that saying no makes you a bad person and is something to feel guilty about because of your childhood conditioning. Here are some examples of statements that conditioned you to believe that saying no isn't ok:

• "You should always be available to help others."

• "Saying no is selfish and rude."