The 5 emotions that control every people-pleasers life

+ how to master them

Navigating the emotional maze of people-pleasing:

As a community mostly comprised of recovering people-pleasers who are grappling with the complexities of finding themselves and emotional fulfillment, we’ve all faced moments where our actions were more about pleasing others rather than honoring ourselves.

In my life, deciding to leave my Ph.D. program wasn’t just about chaining a career path but confronting a lifetime of being a people-pleaser. It was about breaking out from the life I’ve built for others and instead confronting my dissatisfaction and directionlessness by focusing on what I want.

Throughout my journey of stripping away the many layers of people-pleasing that concealed my true self, I identified that people-pleasing is driven by five core emotions: Insecurity, Resentment, Guilt, Anxiety, and Discomfort. Each of these emotions, while experienced by everyone, holds a particular power over those of us who habitually put the needs and judgment of others before our own.

In this article, available in full to paid subscribers, we will delve deep into the five core emotions of people-pleasing. We’ll explore their roots, how they appear in our lives (some of which will surprise you), and strategies to master them. It’s not just about coping with those emotions; it’s about changing your relationship with these emotions to finally break free from people-pleasing and its consequences that make life so much more complicated than it needs to be.

If you’ve ever felt lost in the expectations of others or struggled with an inner critic fueled by insecurity and guilt, this article is for you. It’s time to understand and address what’s driving your behavior so you can change and thereby change how you feel and experience life.

Join me for an exploration of these emotions and practical steps to master them, making way for a more authentic and fulfilling life that you truly enjoy living.

As we explore the five core emotions that drive people-pleasing, let’s discuss the first: Insecurity. Insecurity is a familiar feeling to many of us, marked by intense internal battles of self-doubt. Understanding insecurity is essential, as it often sits at the root of our people-pleasing patterns.

Identifying insecurity can be difficult, as it often hides behind actions and thoughts, influencing our decisions and affecting our relationships in ways we might now immediately recognize. In the following, we’ll discuss this emotion to understand its origins, how it shows up in our lives, and, most importantly, how to navigate through it to find a place of greater self-confidence.