The Golden Rule of Dysfunctional Families: Sacrificing Everyone Else for the Most Dysfunctional Person’s Comfort

Why Keeping the Peace Often Means Sacrificing Your Own Well-Being

I’ve learned something from both my own journey and from my clients: In dysfunctional families, there’s often an unspoken rule that everyone’s emotional well-being comes second to maintaining the comfort of the most dysfunctional member. It’s a rule that can make us feel small, disregarded, and exhausted from constantly walking on eggshells to keep the peace.

When you're in the thick of it, it feels normal. You tell yourself, "If I just give in, maybe they’ll calm down," or, "It’s easier to keep quiet than deal with the fallout." But this approach comes at a high cost: your peace, your safety, and your emotional well-being. The family’s focus shifts entirely onto protecting the fragile feelings of the person least capable of regulating their own emotions, and everyone else is expected to bend or break to make that happen.

Some views just remind you to take a breath and appreciate the little moments. Teddy and I couldn’t have asked for a better walk yesterday.