Unblur the lines of where your responsibilities end and those of others begin.

Exploring what your responsibilities are and what they are not.

What are my responsibilities in relationships? Sometimes, when we realize that we grew up in dysfunctional homes, we often don’t know where to draw the line in relationships. We are so used to enabling dysfunctional habits and being the emotional caretakers in our relationships that we genuinely feel confused about where we can or should set boundaries.

At least, this is how I felt when I started my recovery journey from people-pleasing. In today’s article, I want to talk about boundaries and responsibility. I will share with you what our personal responsibilities are and also where they end.

I wrote this article intending to help you unblur the lines of where your responsibilities end and those of others begin. If you struggle with being an (emotional) caretaker, not knowing when it’s okay to say no, and how to find time to take care of yourself, this article is for you.

This article is for paid subscribers, yet I want to leave everyone with some thought-provoking questions so you can have your own moment of reflection. If you want to know my take on this topic (and many more) and read specific examples of my experiences and how I moved on, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

• Think about what situations or particular relationships often leave you feeling resentful. Reconsider where you’re placing your focus. Are you taking advantage of what’s under your control or meddling in other people’s responsibilities (or both)?

• Do you give others real support, or are you managing their discomfort because you believe they can’t? If so, think about this: How can they learn to manage their own discomfort if you won’t let them experience it and handle themselves?

Family dysfunction impacts our concepts of boundaries and personal responsibilities.

When we grow up in dysfunctional families, chances are we haven’t learned how to properly differentiate between our responsibilities and those of others, making setting healthy boundaries difficult. As a result, we struggle to set boundaries and often feel responsible for things we have no control over (things like making others happy, what others think of us, preventing arguments, etc.)

Life is unfair sometimes. While it’s not our fault that we grew up with some levels of dysfunction, it’s still our responsibility to unlearn our dysfunctional patterns and find healthier ways of relating to ourselves and others.

Signs you’re taking on other people’s responsibilities and neglecting your own:

• Prioritizing the needs of others causing you to always feel exhausted.

• Struggling with saying no, even feeling overwhelmed with the requests of others.

• Making decisions based on guilt and fear of disappointing others.

• Allowing others to hurt you without standing up for yourself.

• Putting your own well-being on hold while taking care of others.

• Feeling responsible for managing other people’s feelings and moods.

• Basing your worth on how much you’re doing for others.

• Finding it difficult to identify and recognize your personal goals.

• Taking on other people’s emotions by often getting involved in other people’s problems and arguments.

• Often feeling unappreciated, resentful, and burnt out.

• Feeling disconnected from yourself, not having an identity outside of labels (daughter, son, sister, brother, mother, father, friend, work title, etc.).

Can you relate? If so, I’ve good news for you! In this article, I will teach you what your responsibilities are, where they end, as well as what’s within your control and what’s outside of it. With this new understanding, you can reset your relationship settings and identify where you may need to step up for yourself and where you may need to let go.

Why is it so important to know my responsibilities and what those of others are?

When we’re confused about our responsibilities, where they start and where they end, it becomes difficult to set boundaries. That’s when we often feel overwhelming guilt, shame, and anxiety around setting boundaries and saying no. Without healthy boundaries, you won’t be able to build healthy relationships or find the time to properly take care of yourself.

Knowing what you’re responsibilities are helps you focus your attention on what’s inside of your control. Throughout this article, you’ll see that taking on other people’s responsibilities often also means that you’re trying to control something you have no control over. Which in turn explains your persisting feelings of anxiety, resentment, and guilt.

Being able to differentiate between your responsibilities and those of others will ultimately not only better your relationship with yourself but also those with others. Knowing where to draw the line will help you communicate your needs and feelings, respect those of others, and support others while letting them manage their own feelings and needs. It helps you identify you’re unrealistic expectations, which are most likely the cause of your dissatisfaction with your relationships and yourself.

What’s your responsibility, and what’s theirs?

You will see that once you have a clear understanding of where your responsibilities start and where they end, you will feel less guilty about setting boundaries, more confident about asking for what you need, and less anxious about how others feel about what they think.

So, let's get clear on what your responsibilities are.