Walking on Eggshells Isn’t Love—It’s Survival: Here’s How to Thrive Instead
Why Keeping the Peace Feels Like Love—But Leaves You Feeling Empty
Walking on Eggshells Isn’t Love—It’s Survival
There’s a moment I’ll never forget. I was carefully crafting a text, deleting and rewriting every word, trying to make sure the person on the other end wouldn’t misunderstand me or get upset. My heart was racing, my hands felt clammy, and my mind kept running through all the ways this could go wrong.
That moment wasn’t unique—it was my norm. I believed I was being kind, that my care for others showed how much I valued my relationships. But really? I was trying to avoid conflict. I wasn’t living authentically; I was surviving.
And here’s the kicker: no matter how hard I tried, the peace never lasted.
Why We Walk on Eggshells
Walking on eggshells isn’t about love—it’s a learned behavior. Most of us were taught this in relationships where someone’s emotions ruled the room. Maybe it was a parent who couldn’t handle being challenged, a partner who used anger to control, or a friend who expected us to always bend to their needs.
We learned early that keeping others happy was the only way to stay safe. It’s no wonder so many of us confuse walking on eggshells with being considerate.
But there’s a big difference between being considerate and losing yourself to someone else’s moods.
What Walking on Eggshells Costs You
When you live like this, the cost is steep.
You lose trust in yourself. Constantly worrying about how someone else will react leaves no room for you to hear your own voice.
You lose your joy. The energy spent managing someone else’s emotions leaves little space for your own happiness.
You lose your authenticity. Over time, you start shrinking yourself to fit into their comfort zone.
These are heavy losses, but here’s the good news: they’re not permanent.
How to Thrive Instead
Breaking this cycle isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Here’s what helped me:
Recognize the Pattern. Ask yourself: Who do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around? What are you afraid will happen if you stop?
Validate Your Feelings. You’re not ‘too sensitive’ for noticing how their behavior affects you. What you feel is real and valid.
Start Small with Boundaries. You don’t have to flip your life upside down overnight. Begin with one boundary, even if it’s as simple as taking a pause before responding.
Detach from Their Reaction. This is the hardest part but also the most freeing. Their feelings about your boundaries aren’t your responsibility to manage.
From Survival to Peace
For years, I thought my ability to walk on eggshells was a strength—a sign of how much I cared. Now, I know it was a survival skill I don’t need anymore. True peace doesn’t come from keeping everyone else comfortable; it comes from being comfortable in your own skin.
This article is one of the free ones I share each month to help you explore topics like this. But if you’re ready for more, paid subscribers get weekly articles like this, designed to help you set boundaries, overcome people-pleasing, and reclaim your peace.
Join the community of readers who get these insights every single week. When you subscribe, you’ll receive weekly articles to support your growth, not just the free one once a month.
Take care of yourself, -Klara