What is people-pleasing?

Do you feel tired, lost in life and have trouble saying no to others? You might be a people-pleaser, find out if you are in this article. *(Quiz included)

People pleasers need to please others, even if it hurts.

Do you ever want to decline an invitation, but you worry about someone being mad at you, so you end up accepting the invitation?

If you've had this experience, chances are that you're a people-pleaser. At its core, people-pleasing is about feeling the urge to please others to be liked. It's typical for someone who suffers from the disease to please go to extremes to make others like them, often at their own expense.

If you're not sure whether you are a people-pleaser or if you're just being kind, take my quiz. I will leave a link at the end of this post.

I often notice that people-pleasers aren't aware of their problem. They regard themselves as kind and supportive people but secretly suffer from exhaustion, depression, anger, and resentment.

Here are 5 examples of people-pleasing:

1. You have trouble saying "no" and expressing your opinion. You worry that people will be upset or disappointed if you say no.

2. You're conflict-avoidant and try to maintain peace in your relationships at all costs.

3. You're empathetic. You feel things deeply, making you a fantastic caretaker but causing you to think that it’s your responsibility to "make things better.”

4. You do things out of obligation rather than actual desire. When asked what you want to do, you often answer with "I don't know" because you've no idea what you want.

5. You constantly take on more than you can handle and feel like you have no time for yourself. You're so busy taking care of everyone else that you sacrifice fulfilling your own needs.

And what do you think? Do these examples sound familiar to you?

There is no shame in being a people-pleaser. As a recovered people-pleaser, having struggled with people-pleasing for most of my life, I can tell you that you can learn to stop people-pleasing and turn your weakness into your biggest strength. Today, I still sometimes feel the urge to please others to be liked, but I've learned that I have to be myself to find true belonging and happiness, even at the expense of being disliked.

Thank you for being here. If you're a people-pleaser, keep coming, sharing, and showing up to build your confidence, learn to set boundaries, and reclaim your authenticity (but only if it's not too inconvenient for you 😜).

Do you wonder whether you're a people-pleaser or just being kind? If you want to find out, take my quiz: Am I a people-pleaser or just being kind?

Remember: Being a people-pleaser isn't something to feel ashamed about. It's a problem often ingrained into us in childhood, and if you're willing to put in the work, you can learn to be free to be fully yourself again.

-Klara 🧡