Why is it so hard to keep myself from getting sucked into an argument?

Tips and Examples for Establishing and Maintaining Healthy Emotional Boundaries with Yourself and Others

Do you find yourself often getting involved in other people's arguments? I sure struggled with this for a long time.

I always used to get involved in my family’s arguments, either between my siblings or between my parents. Being the youngest (by 10 years), what I had to say wasn't always valued. But when someone needed reinforcement in their argument, I always seemed to get wheeled in, especially when my mom was arguing with my dad.

If you often find yourself being sucked into someone else’s argument, or you seem to can’t to stop yourself from getting involved in other people's problems, this article is for you.

I don't know about you, but I live far away from my family (they live in Germany, and I live in the US), but when I used to live close by, I would always be extremely anxious when someone around me was arguing. Sometimes, I couldn't hold back and had to get involved sort of as a mediator. Other times I got sucked into an argument to back-up someone else's point of view. Did you experience this too?

Here are some examples of things we do when we get easily involved in someone else’s argument:

• Becoming defensive or reactive, even when it's not directly affecting us.

• Loose focus on your own goals, priorities, and values as a result of getting involved.

• Having loose emotional boundaries, getting emotionally invested, and feeling like we have to get involved.

• Offering unsolicited advice or trying to "fix” the situation.

• Getting involved even though you don't want to, even though it's affecting your emotional health.

• Letting someone use you and what you said in the past to support them, even though you're uncomfortable with that.

Do you do any of these things or let them happen even though you dislike them? What does getting sucked into someone else’s argument like for you? Share it with us in the comments.

For me, getting involved in someone else’s argument has to do with the lack of and difficulty maintaining emotional boundaries. When someone experiences negative emotions around me, it makes me somewhat uncomfortable, and that's what drives me to get involved in whatever is going on because I have poor emotional boundaries keeping me in check.

Getting involved in someone else’s argument for me is an emotional management problem. While getting sucked into someone else’s argument against our will is also an emotional management issue (overcoming guilt and fear), it's also a sign that we need to up our (emotional) boundaries and assertiveness skills.

Do you agree? If you do, keep reading! Because I will share with you what emotional boundaries are and how you can set them with yourself so you stop getting sucked into other people's arguments.

In this article, you will learn:

• What emotional boundaries are + examples of emotional boundaries

• Actionable emotional boundaries you can set right away

• Examples of what different emotional boundaries sound like

• Tips for sticking to your emotional boundaries even when it gets difficult