Why It's Hard to Change Your Behavior and How to Do It Successfully

Exploring the Positive and Negative Consequences of People-Pleasing, Identifying Its Underlying Benefits, and Overcoming the Challenges of Behavior Change

People-pleasing is a common behavior many people do, and they often aren't even aware of it. It means putting the needs and wants of others before your own, even when it hurts your own (mental-)health. In some ways, people-pleasing can be positive, like when you're getting approval from others, but it can also have negative consequences for your relationships, self-esteem, and overall health.

In this article, we'll talk about why you may be afraid to stop people-pleasing, what benefits of people-pleasing might keep you stuck in it, why changing your behavior is so hard, and how to change your behavior patterns successfully.

Benefits of people-pleasing that may keep you stuck in it

People-pleasing isn't all bad; otherwise, we wouldn't do it. We didn't just start people-pleasing for the fun of it, but many of us started to please others as a child to meet our needs for connection, approval, and safety.

Understanding what you get from people-pleasing is important so you can break free of it and not stay stuck in it because it fulfills some of your needs. In this article, I will give you examples of people-pleasing benefits you may experience, look through the list and try to identify what you get from people-pleasing so you can focus on finding healthier ways to fulfill those needs and break free from people-pleasing.

Here are some benefits of people-pleasing that might keep you stuck in it:

• Getting people's approval: As a people-pleaser, you may want the approval of others, and pleasing them helps you get it. Saying “yes” to what others want can make others feel validated and valued, which often translates into your approval and appreciation. In that way, people-pleasing can help you fulfill your needs for approval and appreciation.

• Avoiding conflict: As a people-pleaser, you may often say “yes” to avoid conflict or upset feelings. In the short term, this can be a big benefit as it helps you avoid conflict or criticism that people-pleasers are afraid of. In that way, people-pleasing can help you fulfill your needs for harmony, safety, and calmness.